Fat jeans and the modern girl

Skinny jeans have got to go.  The first reason being that I am not skinny.  And so, in my estimated opinion, this means they discriminate against booties, breathing, and Beyonce.  There is something fundamentally wrong with pants that are shaped in such a manner as to make your legs and thighs appear as though they are upside down drumsticks.  It is not amusing to lose circulation in my ankles due to having to shove my otherwise dainty feet through holes the size of my 98 year old grandmothers wrist, nor is it the height of glamour to find that the inner thigh fabric of my jeans has worn away due to constant chafing on a week when Ben and Jerry have been my best friends.  What, this only happens to me?!

Skinny jeans have got to go.  The second reason being the disturbing realization that the male youth of today failed to realize that this trend was not intended to include them!  There is nothing, I repeat nothing more unattractive then witnessing the disturbing phenomena that is male camel toe! Why, oh why,  has this been coupled with the worst trend of the 90's?- that of the baggy jeans?  What genius was it that decided that as long as we were looking at their tortured and restricted package, we may as well see their aspirations to one day be the worlds most stylish plumber?  I don't want to see your boxers, anymore then you want to see my granny panties!

Not that I could wear them with my skinny jeans anyway.  

Skinny jeans have got to go.  The third reason being that they lead to leggings, and leggings lead to spandex.  Don't kid yourself folks, those super shiny pleather looking pants that Rhianna and Kate Moss have strolling around town in are nothing but a glorified pair of bicycle shorts.  As in Bobby Brown "Every little step I take" biker shorts.  As in Mc. Hammer "Have you seen her?" biker shorts.  As in New Kids On The Block... well you get my drift. 

It is time to bring on the fat jeans.  Yes ladies, I know we all have a pair, but I am talking about mass marketing here!  I'm talking about billboards with me and a cupcake and a pair of fat jeans!  Me handing Brad Pitt a martini with the Grey Goose hanging out of my extremley large pockets.  I'm talking breathing room, bootie, Beyonce's new album and Jay Z hangin out the back pocket!

Cause I'm sure he doesn't like skinny jeans anyway!